Excuse my language but….
Fuck! I can’t believe it’s been 8 years since we lost our son at the age of 32 💔.
It’s been a hell of a ride these last 8 years too - but I have learnt soooo much about neurodiversity in children and if only I knew then in the 90’s (& the diagnosis professionals did too) what I know now I am sure he’d still be alive.
I tried so hard for years to figure out what wasn’t quite right with him by taking him to different people who should have helped us, but they didnt know much about the non hyperactive form of ADHD - so the emotional damage on him of being told off constantly for doing wrong, and being told he’s lazy, not trying hard enough and careless - and just feeling dumb because he couldn’t remember what he learnt at school had taken its toll.
We did get a diagnosis at 14 but it was too late to really help him. So like so many undiagnosed or untreated children when he got old enough he turned to what made him feel good about himself. He self medicated with drugs after a “friend” introduced weed to him. But as what happens to many - it got out of hand and lead him down a dark path and around dark people.
But the bright side and yes i think there is a bright side to this sad story, is that we are getting a second chance to do right with Ayva - his daughter. Her condition is far more complex than her dads because of different circumstances, but the fact we are doing everything possible to help her from a young age is going to help her live a long productive life. And yes I had to really fight at first to be taken seriously - and this was while COVID was happening.
So if you are told or just have a feeling something is not quite right with your child - listen to your instincts and the teachers or other people who know about this stuff, and do everything you can EARLY - because studies show that if a child is diagnosed and treated from a young age they are 85% less likely to do what Ash did. I remember being told by the Dr who eventually diagnosed him that he would have a tendency to addictions.
Did you know that a very, very large percentage of the population of prisons are undiagnosed or untreated people with nuerodiverse brains?? That alone tells you sooo much.
Don’t go along with the common statements that it’s just a new fad and everyone is a little adhd or autistic - it isn’t the case. And saying that is so detrimental to the mental health of those who do struggle with it - diagnosed or not.
Those who have a nuerodiverse brain struggle - but many learn to pretend or mask, and in the case of women - they get told they are depressed and or have anxiety just like I was told, and medicated for that - but in reality I had ADHD or a nuerodiverse brain. I have felt pretty bad about myself most of my life- pretending to be like others - and just never felt like I really fit in anywhere. I got diagnosed at 59! There’s so much more to my story but that’s not what this is about.
It’s about kids - they need their parents to advocate hard for them to get what they need. Learn as much as you can - its hard but is important, because you have to learn how to be a different type of parent. Scream and cry (I did) if you have to - write to Ministers (like i had to) so you know you did everything possible to give them a good chance at life.
That’s what everyone deserves. And remember if your child is nuerodiverse there’s a damn good chance you are too or at least one of the parents are.
Kathy Smith
Harris Wood Creative Studio
